There's no shortcut, and there really is no other way. 'Love' can be a contentious word, like the word 'god'. Don't let any one define or spoil these concepts for you. Yes in your past, in the name of 'Love' or 'God' someone may have frightened you, persuaded you, tricked you. Those people had no authority over those words, or those concepts. Don't let some ignoramus from the past control your present experience.
Even if you can't say the word, if you can't call it 'love', if that word is too loaded with pain, call it something else, but start thinking it. Change some behaviours, take a fucking step in that direction. It can be as hard as hell, but let's face it, NOT taking that step is going to be just as painful too.
Today I am choosing to believe that I am whole. (Of course it's still just me, little old broken, wounded, grieving, struggling, never-feel-right-in-my-own-skin me.) But honestly, fuck all that, because just for now, I am choosing to sit in a different belief.
I am choosing a belief that empowers me (god I hate that word) nourishes me, HONOURS ME.
I don't care that I'm not feeling it, yet. I don't care that I'm still scared, unsure, full of doubt, because that is just life. All those non-adopted folks feel all that stuff too. I don't know how long I can make this belief last... I don't even care.
Because just for now, I'm going to believe that I'm whole. I am loved. I am lovable, I'm OK, fine just as I am.
It's a start.
No comments
Post a Comment