Feeling responsible for it all.

 Every. Damn. Day.

Have I done enough to find the people I can find before another one passes away.  Did I ask the ones I have been able to connect with all the right questions before those truths pass into time's locked vaults, to become secrets forever?

Aged 18, and knowing that my adoptive father's family were involved in my adoption and may be able to lead me to her, but insisting that I didn't want to know.  When of course, I absolutely did.  And waiting another eleven years until both adoptive parents had passed, to begin my search.  They would have been fully supportive of me wanting and needing to search, but even so, I just couldn't bring myself to do it, I couldn't allow myself to even think about it.

Feeling responsible for it all.  How can that be, I was just a baby.  But I wanted to get born, I chose to come, and in this way.